


Possessive

by Shatterpath



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 02:37:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2293835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shatterpath/pseuds/Shatterpath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Author's peek into Steve's head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Possessive

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this nearly a month ago and I think it's held up to all the reading I've done, so I'm going to post it for posterity. Enjoy!

Steve had never realized how… possessive he was.

Though, it did make a certain amount of sense, even if it made him squirm guiltily. Growing up sickly and lower middle class in the greatest city in the world, everything just seemed just out of the reach of his frail arms, his weak fingers. Sure got him into a hell of a lot of trouble, too smart and mouthy to keep himself out of trouble. Always wanting to live up to Bucky and every other guy who didn't have to look up at the dames.

Wanting to be a regular guy so bad he would have happily laid down his life for it.

Then Doctor Erskine had given him the chance to be all that and so much more. Not just a regular guy, but a superhero, a leader, able to do things that seemed impossible. Suddenly he was a huge man among big men, grateful and driven as only a small man could be.

Being treated as little more than a dancing monkey grated on him, but at least he got to learn what he could do, got used to what he'd become. He learned to appreciate what he could do, what he looked like, even as the ego of it shamed him too. Then Peggy, that amazing woman, grounded him, got him pointed the direction he should have been going all along. If he'd secretly thought she was amazing and beautiful before, it was then he knew he was completely crazy about her. Even now, lifetimes later, the ring of bullets on his shield is a bittersweet memory.

He'd wanted to be hers so badly, wanted her to be his, the one he would have done anything for.

Bucky and the Howling Commandos had been an extension of his body and soul. Because, while he might be the mightiest weapon in the arsenal, he was never good on his own. Bigness and a star on his chest didn't change that. When Bucky slipped away into the cold, Steve felt like he's lost a limb… and a brother. It was never quite the same after that, the phantom pain something he could never quite shake.

Then, he'd lost everything with the heat of Peggy's kiss following him through the roar of freezing wind and into the icy stillness of his tomb.

She should have been his and he should have been hers. Not a ghost on his lips and yet another hole in his heart.

He wanted back the familiarity of the world he'd left behind, the filthy comfort of it, wanted to hold the victory he'd helped to win and never saw with his own eyes. If death had taken him, drowned him properly like the small man he once was, the regrets would never be. But the world wasn't done with him yet.

SHIELD wasn't the straightforward war still raw on his old soul, but it was what he had. And the universe was merciful on him, gave him a clear enemy like the evil Nazis and their red and black symbol, something he could focus on and unleash all of his skills… and rage.

No, he hadn't liked the Avengers at first, too shattered to give much of anything a chance, but then, suddenly… he needed them. And they needed him in return. Coulson died wanting them to have a place to belong, all of them wounded and scarred and extraordinary. Tony finally finding the thread of heroism behind the prickly ego, fearless Natasha and Clint guarding his back on the ravaged streets of New York, the unstoppable insanity of the Hulk trusting himself and Steve enough to hear the words of teamwork. Even Thor, alien royalty and the lynchpin that had brought his mad brother to their doorstep, had been a brother at arms for a time.

They were odd, a bucket of live grenades and crazy, but somehow they'd gotten under his skin. Like Bucky and Peggy and the Howling Commandos and the stars and stripes he still believed in. In his own broken way, he loved each of them the way only a battle-scarred soldier could. And once more, he had something to lose, as well as a reason to fight like a man possessed.

Once more, he belonged.


End file.
